Thursday, June 17, 2010


An unsent love letter by Eirik Gumeny 

You make my head hurt.  You confound me like no other.

You're pure and good and perfect and gorgeous and the scourge of men everywhere.  You're the best friend I'll ever have and the most shallow, unforgiving bitch since the goddesses of ancient Greece.  

You're unreliable and fiscally irresponsible, you're heartless and stupid and you probably eat babies like nachos.  You hate your family and you despise classic rock; your mom's amazing and I know that you're secretly in love with Tom Petty.  You're dangerously naive and far too forgiving and you always cover your bill and I'm pretty sure you once nursed an injured Pekinese back to health before donating it to an orphanage run by paraplegic nuns.

You're insane in all the right ways.  You're there when I need you but never when I want you.  
You're so fucking frustrating, you're utterly astounding.

Eirik Gumeny is the editor of Jersey Devil Press.  He once scaled the Empire State Building, only to be murdered by several bi-planes and a pretty girl. He was not happy about it. He's proud to say he's currently living with another pretty girl, this one significantly better than all the rest.