by Nathan Tower
An Open Letter to All Vaginas.
To the Vagina it May Concern,
Why have you forsaken me? It has been weeks since we have touched. Okay, actually months. Fine. If you want the truth, it's been years since I have even seen you. I just don't get it. Remember the times we used to have? I fit so snugly inside you, like we were two perfectly cut puzzle pieces that were merely inseparable once conjoined. I thought I would never leave. You wanted me to stay. But within minutes, of course, the fit had worn out. You spat me out, leaving me lost in a terrifying world. I haven't even had a glimpse of you in the flesh since. Please. I can't take the abuse any more. If we could get together just one more time, I would show you that I can stay for good. We make such a great team. Please, please, please, dear vagina, don't let me wither and die alone.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, I have grown, but not by absence. Please do not contact me again. I have no further interest in pursuing your lack of commitment. I know what you are really interested in. Yes, the fit was perfect once, but it will never work again. Once the puzzle is separated, the pieces just never fit together the same way again. I am sorry to say that we are through forever. I see no potential for any future meeting. Let it be what is was.
Dear Lost Vagina,
I have grown as well. Have me back. I know we can make it work. We can make it last. Please. I need you.
This is the last time I will contact you. Please do not write back. Haven't you ever heard that no means no? Well, it does. Our time together was short and sweet, nothing more. Don't make more out of it than it was. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Leave me be. I want nothing that lasts with you. The need you have is not mutual.
Dear Hopeless Vagina,
I know you said you won't contact me, but I cannot help myself. I know there was something between us. I know we can make it work. I know this is not the end. Please give me another chance to make you feel the way I felt.
With Forever Reaching Hope,
Please leave her alone. She has made her intentions clear. She has moved on, and so should you. Wanna get together?
Respectfully, for now,
A Friendly Vagina
Nathaniel Tower writes fiction, teaches English, and manages the online literary magazine Bartleby Snopes (www.bartlebysnopes.com). He is proud of the fact that he didn't leave the house yesterday.