Thursday, April 22, 2010


by Julia Davies

I sat in the cubicle with my head crunching, trying to collaspe in on itself. My stomach was moving to a similar rhythmn that seems deliberately a few beats out of sync. Knickers round my ankles, but hunched, holding my stomach to my thighs, my head to my knees. Laying bets on which end will spurt first as I sweat and shiver at the same time while my body decides which part is next to fall apart. I struggle not to moan out loud. If I puke first I have to get off the toilet, spin through 180° and aim for the toilet bowl. Gipping at the back of my throat. Oh god is it possible to die of a hangover? Panic starts, no bog roll in the holder, shit shit shit; literally, I will have to walk out with shit stuck in my crack to find some, or grab the paper towels by the sink. Oh fuck I can't get up to look. A wave of illness washes me. The bottom end wins, a fat solid plug is expelled first. Black, like finest dark chocolate, and the rancid fruity smell I associate with the bears at the zoo. I must cut back on the red wine. Perhaps a intersperse each 75cl of Merlot with a bottle of Pinot Grigio? The solid shit passes and my arsehole contracts afterwards, a few times, a few waves of mild pleasure to counteract those of nausea, before the rest comes spurting, spattering out. The bowl is pebble dashed in 60% fine cocoa solids. I do groan now, my eyes are watering; and then I notice on the floor a few sheets of tissue clinging to the end of the cardboard reel. Oh thank fuck for that.

Julia Davies is a practised reader and practising writer & lives in Germany.
She still can't remember masturbating anywhere unusual, but European air traffic control permitting she is hopefully off on holiday in 42hrs so maybe this will change!


  1. The worst is when a large part of the turd refuses to drop out of your ass and just sort of hangs there and you reach in to wipe quick--and get it all over your fucking goddamn fingers and you go to rip off some more paper and there's two squares left and it's a public bathroom anyway, and it's at those times you begin to consider the idea that the human race just might be a biological mistake...

  2. Disgusting indeed! I was right there, stealing the loo roll.

  3. Moving piece, Julia. Really. And your bio at the end: a real jerker that!
    :-) Have fun on your trip

  4. Julia, I have to say this was a gutsy piece to write!
    I'm LMAO literally. Amused and amazed!

  5. thanks for all your comments! much appreciated ;)

  6. i must say that was one real "hangover" ..
    i never had a hangover myself...but sure as hell if it ever happens i don't want it to be this bad!

    nicely described...