Tuesday, March 23, 2010


by Sean H. Doyle

The girl on the screen goes by the name of xoCupcakeox.

I know this because her name is displayed beneath the feed for her webcam.

She is sitting there in a bikini top and drinking a Mountain Dew, smoking.

There is a chat window to the right on my screen, and someone named Guest132127 has just typed “do u fist bb?” into the box. The girl looks at her screen, wrinkles up her face, and shakes her head “no.”

There are 11 people watching xoCupcakeox right now. Six of them are guests, and five of them have random nicknames like “jammer2012,” “hard-n-heavy36,” or “ucallmedaddy.” You get to create a nickname for yourself when you buy tokens and become what they call a “Premium Member.”

My nickname will remain secret. Let’s just say that it is far more inventive than the ones I just rattled off.

The girl on the screen, xoCupcakeox, is listening to some weird Arabian-sounding pop music. I click on her profile, and the information is a little bit jarring at first.

She lists her age as twenty-one, but looking at her, I would guess her age to be around twenty-seven or thirty. Much like an old-school Playboy Centerfold Bio, there are fields of information about xoCupcakeox. She lists her favorite animal as a lemur. She says she likes all music other than country. She lists her hometown as Orlando. She says she has never experimented with drugs, even though in watching her on her camera feed, there is a large black light poster of a marijuana leaf in her room. She has a cat named Osiris.

Everything seems manufactured to not upset the men-folk who come cruising around to look at naked women.

Back on her camera feed, xoCupcakeox is glaring at the screen. Guest132569 has started flooding the chat box with random queries like - “show pussy bb,” “smile we r hear to c ur tits,” and “dun b such a bitch bb show us ur pussy.”

The rub, is that “guests” have no tokens, which means xoCupcakeox cannot receive any money for doing any of the lurid things that Guest132569 is begging her to do. His pleas are meaningless, yet relentless. xoCupcakeox shifts uneasily in her chair, twirls a finger into her hair, pulls one breast out of the bikini top for ten seconds, and then blows an awkward kiss at the screen.

In the header of the chatbox, she has typed the following:


She moves slightly in front of the camera now, and behind her is a small bookshelf. I expand the screen to make the image larger, to see what she has on her shelves.

As soon as I see Jonathan Safron Foer’s name appear on a binding, I quickly close my browser.

Sean H. Doyle lives in Brooklyn, NY. He writes all day but never submits anything. He likes to walk his dog at odd hours, and he smokes too much. His least favorite sexual position is one that involves eye contact. His cliche sexual fantasy consists of the following: two dwarves, a giantess, a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, lubricant, a Polaroid camera, and a case of silly string. What? How is that not cliched?