Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I Want To Eat Out Your Anus (New Jersey Style)

by Newamba Flamingo

I had this dream that I was driving through New Jersey to visit my drug dealer in Cape May. Somewhere in the middle of nowhere, my brakes went out (damn Toyota!) and I slammed into a large pine tree. I wasn’t hurt, but my car was totaled. My cell phone was also out of range, so I walked over to the closest house I saw, a fucked-up, pink double-wide trailer, to call for a tow.

I knocked on the door, which instantly creaked open, sending a cloud of weed smoke pouring out into the air, and an attractive woman in matching pink spandex pants and tank top magically appeared.

“I wrecked my car down the street and my cell isn’t working. Could I use your phone to call a tow truck?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said, in a sexy, sultry New Jersey accent.

She turned around, waved me in, and, as I stepped inside, I couldn’t help but notice how magnificent her ass looked in those hot pink spandex pants.

It was a perfect ass.

Not so big and sloppy that Southwest Airlines would kick it off a flight.

And not so small or bony that you’d hurt your pelvis doggy-styling it.

No, it was a just right, juicy, succulent, slap happy ass of perfect dimensions.

And I liked it.

She quickly noticed me staring at her butt (women have someone staring at their butt radar) and she peered over her shoulder and asked if I wanted to chill for a bit and watch some TV.

“Cool,” I said, sitting down on the couch.

She walked over to the bookshelf in the corner, which was full of bongs, and I joyously watched her sweet cakes shake and jiggle every step of the way…

While sitting on the couch, I looked around and noticed that everything in her trailer was pink- the furniture, tables, TV, even the carpet and curtains. The whole place stunk like skunk weed, too, and there were multiple marijuana plants growing next to every window, as well as a sprawling sativa garden in the backyard.

She grabbed a gravity bong off the shelf, walked over to the coffee table in front of me, and bent over, placing the apparatus down on the table, next to a pot leaf ashtray full of blunt roaches.

Her sexy ass was now only a foot or so away from my face, and I could take it no longer…

I got up, stepped behind her, dropped to my knees, and began kissing and massaging her butt cheeks with my face.

She reached back, ran her hand slowly through my hair, and then pulled down her spandex pants, revealing beautiful buttocks, clad in sexy pink thong.

I swiftly yanked down that thong and was confronted with a tender, open ass crack, and welcome and wet, soft pink vagina. She hoisted up her butt a bit, allowing me better access to her female sexual organ, and I began to playfully lick on her clitoris and worked my fingers into her vaginal passageway, too, gently finger-fucking her and tickling her g-spot…

She squirmed and moaned, and I knew my cunnilingus performance was pleasing her; however, it was that ass that was really calling out to me…

So I grabbed a bottle of Russian Vodka off the coffee table and poured it down her ass crack to kill off any anus germs. I then took hold of both her butt cheeks, spread them apart, stuck my face in between them, and began slurping and licking away at her puckered little chocolate sphincter.

I licked it circular motions.

I licked the alphabet on it.

I even slipped my tongue into her rectum and tongue fucked her up the ass.

With my face nestled snuggly in her buttocks, I reached my hand down into my pants and masturbated ferociously while I tongue fucked her asshole.

Soon, her low key, phone sex type moans turned to wailing, tourettes-like screams. She started to convulse madly as if she was having a seizure and with a loud farting noise she splattered my face with a pungent mixture of pussy and ass juice, which I found so erotic that I let loose a bone rattling orgasm into my pants.

I then stood up, staggered backwards, and collapsed into the couch, writhing in pleasure.

She pulled up her panties, sat down next to me, took out a blunt of the chronic from her bra, sparked it up and turned on the TV.

There was a documentary on the Discovery Channel with various species of animals fucking…

And that’s the last thing I remember.

Newamba Flamingo was abducted by aliens prior to his existence as a writer. He has transvestite sex with male and female poetry editors, and then takes pictures of these encounters and uses them to blackmail the editors into publishing his work. Nowadays he’s mostly online at, Facebook, and Scribd. And sometimes he’ll go into public bathrooms just to punch or kick people. The strangest place he ever masturbated was in his grandma’s house while watching Golden Girls, and the thing he’s most proud of doing this week is cutting his toenails, because they were getting kinda long.


  1. Those NJ bitches. Really got it going on.

  2. dude..ass bubblegum cunniingus,,,and ah the weed ah the weed..great fuckin story!